Okay, we need to talk.
I promise you need this. Although I will sound cynical, somebody’s got to make the call in the midst of this crisis. There is a disturbing trend that we must address. I know you know what it is: I’m talking about the crisis of grown men wearing sports jerseys.
Don’t. Just don’t.
This catastrophe must be stopped.
I can hear the rebuttal forming on your tongue. Why? Because you’re probably a grown man with a closet filled with nine-year-old memorabilia and you feel the need to defend your wardrobe. Don’t waste your energy. The battle is over.
I want to make it clear that I have no problem with people showing their support and wearing a jersey at a game but if you’re the guy who wears it running errands, at your kid’s soccer game, or at a bar, please find comfort. There is help to be found.
The core question to this topic is simple: When should a man stop wearing his sport jersey? When the buttons of his baseball top finally pop? When the football jersey finally cries uncle, mesh yielding to flesh in its long death struggle? Or, maybe we should consider it less of an appearance difficulty and more of an age issue? Should a man put away these apparel attachments when he is 25…40…50?
I’m only urging for self-awareness.
It’s one thing- and a wonderful thing at that- to wear jerseys at games but now the same clothing that has been worn by fans in the case that they might be summoned immediately, at any time to take the place of an athlete, is the same clothing seen on airplanes, in restaurants, waiting rooms and church congregations.
Let’s take a second and consider that I may be completely out of line. Maybe I’m the one who is wrong here with all my negativity. In reality, this could be the new fashion phenomenon and I have just yet to realize how successful it will be. Uniform pants could be the new jeans. In 2015, or perhaps sooner than that, you’ll find yourself in line behind someone at the grocery store. He’ll be wearing skin tight trousers and you won’t even think it’s weird. You’ll probably think it’s awesome.
I know what you want to ask me. You want to ask: What’s the actual problem with dressing as your hero? Men and women attend comic-con and they’re normal, right?
I’ll just let that question stand as it is.
The worst offenders of this apparel are those who wear suits or slacks and a shirt then head off to the game after work with a jersey on top of their Brooks Brothers Oxford.
It’s just time to concede that at some point in our lives, we all must realize that the very loyal jerseys from our childhood are not the as beautiful in person as they are in the closet.
The bottom line is that no matter the environment, you should be keeping it classy. Untucked mesh shirts with giant letters and even bigger numbers? Classy, they are not. Go ahead and pass those jerseys down to your son, nephew or any other younger family member.