The Olympic Games have started which means I’m busy for the rest of my life until they’re over, my friends will continue to tell me that I’m yelling at the TV too loudly, and the left cushion on the loveseat is taken. I mean it. Don’t sit there.
I really do love the Olympics, and this year they are especially great as the USA competes extremely well and spirit throughout the nation thrives. I am getting more and more excited every day as I watch the summer activites and continue to look forward to athletes who have yet to compete.
Despite my bliss however, I seem to never be satisfied with the sports that are in the games.
Really, who decided on these sports? Half of them aren’t even sports but are more like hobbies. And they’re the type of hobbies that should only be played at family reunions in the lawn, and even then should be extremely limited.
From all this questioning, I did some research about what it took to become a sport. I even read through the guidelines of Table Tennis. It’s okay, I survived.
I decided to go through the sports in this year’s Olympics and determine which ones I thought qualified. Essentially, which ones are great sports and should remain in the games for all eternity, and those that are just kind of weird and which activities should be taken out with all deliberate speed.
My criteria? The Olympic motto of Citius, Altius, Fortius which is Latin for “Faster, Higher, Stronger.”
With this criteria, I will determine which sports have what it takes. There will be some activities in the games that I deem too artsy in which case if the activity upholds any artisitc merit it must be taken out of the Olympic games.
Similarly, I will be keeping all the sports that are essentially dangerous. Not only are martial arts a great way of testing athleticism but also I fear I will be hunted down by those participants if I were to write such a claim. From this, my criteria will be upholding sports that defend sports striving for the qualities of“Faster”, “Higher”, “Stronger”, and “Deadlier”.
I will begin weeding out some sports making my own Olympic level sports list.
Sports to be removed:
Badminton This is that sport that barely belongs at family BBQs.
Cycling - BMX Does not fit Olympic ideals of “Higher,” “Faster,” or “Stronger”.
Diving - I’m not claiming that it is easy but considering the extensive artistic merit, it should be taken out of the Olympic games. Also, it does not uphold the Olympic ideals.
Equestrian:DressageTakes artistic merit and does not uphold Olympic ideals.
Equestrian: Eventing Takes artistic merit and does not uphold Olympic ideals.
Gymnastics - Artistic Takes artistic merit and does not uphold Olympic ideals.
Gymnastics - Rhythmic Takes artistic merit and does not uphold Olympic ideals.
Handball I had to research what this is and maybe because I’m an American, I don’t understand the greatness of this activity but considering its extreme similarity to basketball and soccer and we have those sports, I think handball is repetitive and thus should be removed.
Sailing Does not uphold Olympic ideals.
Synchronised Swimming Takes artistic merit and since dancing is not in the games, I believe this should be removed as well.
Table Tennis Seriously, how did this become an Olympic sport? Here’s my reasoning to my seemingly arrogant question: Table Tennis is to Life-sized tennis as Foosball is to Football. So when the popular pizza arcade activity becomes a sport, then I’ll reconsider my opinion on Table Tennis.
Trampoline Baseball and softball have been cut from the games while what my little cousins do in the backyard remains an Olympic sport? You've got to be kidding me.This activity takes artistic merit and does not uphold Olympic ideals but then again, I’m probably just bitter because I never had a trampoline as a child.
See, that’s great. I have dropped 12 activities from my Olympics. I am kind of sad about dropping gymnastics, but it is essentially synchronised swimming on dry land so it has to go. Now we have space to add some more interesting sports that fit the Olympic Ideals.
Any new sport has to fit my Olympic Ideals: faster, higher, stronger or, deadlier, and must not require artistic merit. I will also try to make reasonable suggestions given the guidelines in the actual Games. Today, a sport or discipline may be included in the Olympic program if the IOC determines that it is widely practiced around the world, that is, the number of countries and continents that regularly compete in a given sport is the indicator of the sport's prevalence.Given these guidelines, I will continue with my suggested additions to the Olympic games.
Sports to be added
Planking Planking is practiced all over the world which seems to be a huge decision factor in allowing an activity to compete in the games. Planking would be a great new Summer Olympic sport although highly controversial because of the subjectivity of choosing a winner. Of course, planking on Big Ben in London would be pretty hard to beat.
Extreme Croquet How do you make the game of croquet interesting? Well, there is really only one thing you can do. Take the players and throw them into the woods. Extreme croquet uses the natural terrain such as trees, streams and brush to add a new challenge to the old game. Having not been in the Olympics in over a century, perhaps the new challenges of the environment is just what the sport needs to be thrust from front lawns and family barbeques, to the stage of the Olympics.
Hot dog Eating Personally, I find food eating contests disgusting. But it's not about how I feel. It's all about what's best for the Summer Olympics. And what personifies summer more than eating hot dogs?
Dodgeball The intensity and athletic ability required to compete at a high level in dodgeball makes it the most obvious sport to add to the Summer Olympics. Dodgeball would easily be the most highly rated sport on television and considering curling had its days in the Games, I’m surprised dodgeball hasn’t been added to the Olympics.
Ninja The Canadian-derived hand-slap game is something relatively new but is increasingly gaining popularity. It tests players’ speed, agility and reflexes upholding many of the Olympic ideals.
Staring The staring contest is simplicity at its best. Sit two opponents opposite of each other and let the staring commence. Staring into the eyes of your opponent is an extremely adequate way of testing an athlete's character and strength.
Of course, please know that most everything you just read is a joke, as most things I write and say are. However, if we were to combine my ideas perhaps and create a planking on dodgeballs-staring contest-ninja game-while eating hot dogs, we could have the next big things. In all seriousness, I cannot understand how certain activities are in the Olympics and how some are not but I will be as open minded as I can in viewing the athleticism of the competitors as the games continue.
What’s exciting about the Olympics anyway is not the sports specifically but the excitement of the fans. Dusting could be a sport and it would be exciting if it made it to the games! Oh wait. We already have that. It’s called curling.